Video: Heartbreak Cure for the Cynical Romantic

Book About HeartbreakTraditional heartbreak self-help books make me laugh.

Common outlooks and approaches to getting over heartbreak seem to lack substance, effectiveness, and longevity.

Heartbreak philosophy and the definition of heartbreak examine the ways we react, respond, and shape our identities after the experience of heartbreak.

The implications are broader than the arguably trivial sadness caused by broken or unrequited love.

Associating heartbreak and love is inaccurate because a discussion about heartbreak too easily becomes about dissecting a past romantic relationship.

Recovering from a break-up should not be viewed as the same process as overcoming heartbreak.

Here are my three main issues with traditional heartbreak cures.

1. Obvious Advice

You’ve heard it all before, and obvious advice doesn’t make you feel any better.

Common tips include: know how great you are and that you deserve the best. Also, cut off contact with the person who broke your heart … which leads to my second issue.

2. Heartbreak as an Isolated Incident

Traditional heartbreak cures focus on One Heartbreak. I don’t like giving any one person that much credit for doing anything to me. A lot of stuff can be going on in your life when you’re heartbroken.

Heartbreak isn’t about what one person does to you. It’s about the state that you find yourself in when you have to face reality and that reality is unpleasant.

Heartbreak has too many layers and is too frequent to have such a narrow approach as a cure.

3. Fixed Timeline

My third issue with these typical remedies is that they set a get-over-heartbreak timeline.

They may claim “in 90 days from now, if you follow these steps, you’ll be fine!”—but what’s the ultimate tip that people say about heartbreak?

It just takes time to heal. How can you put a fixed timeline on a recurring state that varies for each individual?

Where is the heartbreak cure for the cynical romantic?

Real people have complex feelings about heartbreak.

On one hand, you may feel devastated and defeated.

But on the other hand, you may be excited and intrigued by future possibilities.

If we examine heartbreak as a factor that helps shape our identities, we’re better equipped to rationally process heartbreaking circumstances as they occur in our lives instead of having a meltdown every time heartbreak occurs and essentially starting over from scratch to get back to a place of stability.

You can’t avoid many heartbreaking realities. The pain from these situations occurs in life over and over again.

But letting it consume you is optional.

Stefanie Flaxman is the creator of @RevisionFairy and author of a new book about heartbreak.

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