The Heartbreak Book About You, Not Love and Relationships

Heartbreak Book. Photo Credit – Flickr: Tal BrightYou crawled through the day feeling sad, angry, and disappointed from your latest heartbreak, but now you’re almost back at home where you can wallow in your pain.

You press the Up arrow in the lobby of your apartment building to summon the elevator.

Only a few more moments before you can indulge in your fuck-the-world attitude in private.

But then a neighbor arrives home from a long day at work, as well, and you wait for the elevator together.

“Hi, how are you?” she asks.

You give her a quick glance but don’t respond and go back to looking down at your feet.

When you get in the elevator, you press the number of the floor you live on and do not ask where she is going.

As she jets out her arm in front of you to press the button she needs, you’re even more frustrated that she came in such close contact with you.

Everyone is irritating.

Everything is wrong.

Nothing is comforting.

You’re consumed with your own personal book of heartbreak.

When we chose not to see beyond our broken heart pain, our actions reflect a self-centered mindset.

Does pain from heartbreak exist if we don’t think about ourselves?

Can we shift our attention away from events that hurt us to behavior that makes us happy about who we are?

Heartbreak is often viewed as an affair that involves multiple people or external relations: life circumstances or other people break your heart.

Your goal, then, as established by many heartbreak books is to get over heartbreak by moving on from a specific circumstance or person.

But that objective gives the circumstance or person power and space in your life.

That circumstance or person infiltrates your identity.

As you experience heartbreak, your identity evolves with every choice you make.

But you don’t view your rudeness in the elevator as a choice.

Even though it was a reaction to the fact that you’re upset, it’s still a choice about who you want to be.

The act of rudeness is independent of anything happening in your personal or professional life.

That choice is only about you.

Heartbreak Book. Photo Credit – Flickr: JanneM

Whatever put you in a bad mood is done. It’s history. It’s not happening anymore except for the memory that you perpetuate in your mind that affects your behavior.

You spread the heartbreak by projecting your internal pain and drama on the people you encounter.

Looking back is the default response when we’re consumed with heartbreak.

Looking forward is overwhelming and unmanageable because everything is murky.

When you overcome heartbreak, looking forward isn’t a struggle. It’s clear and natural.

Heartbreak can defeat you or make you compassionate.

Other people’s heartbreaks don’t diminish your pain or need to make you feel guilty for feeling hurt, but you control your pain’s impact on your identity.

No one with perspective gets swallowed by heartbreak.

You write the story that unfolds in your heartbreak book.

How has Heartbreak shaped your identity?

Do you control Heartbreak, or does Heartbreak control you?

How to Overcome Heartbreak

Stefanie Flaxman is the creator of @RevisionFairy and author of a new book about heartbreak.

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