How to Get Over Heartbreak for Valentine’s Day 2014

How to Get Over Heartbreak for Valetine's Day 2014. Photo Credit - Flickr: wiredforlegoIf you’re skeptical of traditional heartbreak self-help books, but would still like to get over heartbreak before Valentine’s Day 2014, here’s a chemistry lesson for you.

Noble gases occupy group 18 on the periodic table of chemical elements.

The outer shell of a noble gas’s atomic structure is at “full capacity,” so it rarely participates in chemical reactions.

It doesn’t need other electrons to be complete.

Other elements need to participate in chemical reactions to gain the number of electrons a noble gas already possesses by itself.

A noble gas has a stable identity that is full without any External factors.

Heartbreak doesn’t disrupt your stability when you behave like a noble gas.

When you know you are “full” on your own, what you have or don’t have aren’t factors that affect you.

If you need nothing, what is there to be upset about? [Read more…]

The Heartbreak Epilogue, vol. 3

How does pain from heartbreak help you become the person you’re supposed to be?

More on the aftermath of heartbreak:

Dealing With Heartbreak and the Evolution of Identity

7 Lies About Getting Over Heartbreak

The Heartbreak Book About You, Not Love and Relationships [Read more…]

The Heartbreak Epilogue, vol. 2

When does the worst part of heartbreak occur?

More on the aftermath of heartbreak:

Can Anyone Write a Book About Heartbreak?

Heartbreak 101: Dissecting the Pain

You’re the Master Storyteller: On Writing & Editing Your Life [Read more…]

The Heartbreak Epilogue, vol. 1

How did heartbreak affect your choices this week?

More on the aftermath of heartbreak:

Dealing With Heartbreak and the Evolution of Identity

Why You Must Define a Broken Heart

Get Rid of Broken Heart Pain Once and for All [Read more…]

You’re the Master Storyteller: On Writing & Editing Your Life

How to Overcome Heartbreak Without Projectile VomitingYour right hand lifts your coffee mug to your lips, and you take a sip of the beverage that will activate your editing sensibilities.

After the drink’s vessel rests securely back on your desk, you look at your computer monitor, blink a few times, and glance down at your keyboard as you fiddle with your mouse.

Since you’ve already completed a rough draft of your writing, improving it should be simple.

Nonetheless, editor’s block has plugged the flow of your creative juices.

How do we end up in situations that require literary Drano?

A rough draft is the first step in the writing process, but you must stay vigilant.

The words that we initially transcribe aren’t always the purest and most accurate manifestations of our intentions.

You get to manipulate your creation until it satisfies your vision.

The evolution of a document is comparable to the evolution of human character.

We encounter editor’s block in our writing for the same reasons we get stuck in life:

We’ve made choices that have produced a present unhappiness and don’t feel we’re capable of making new choices that will alleviate our frustrations.

We’ve fallen down a well, and there’s nothing but darkness.

We don’t know how to get out. [Read more…]

Is There Actually a Way to Get Over Heartbreak?

Buy the Book - How to Overcome Heartbreak

Once your fairy tale ends and you’re forced to face a heartbreaking reality, you don’t want to hear more bullshit.

Unfortunately, traditional talk about getting over heartbreak is as aggravating and distracting as the situation that broke your heart.

How to Overcome Heartbreak Without Projectile Vomiting: A Guide for Cynical Hopeless Romantics is the only heartbreak book that doesn’t mention your Ex.

Aren’t you tired of lamenting about everything that’s wrong with him or her?

When relationships, dating, and love are the themes of get-over-heartbreak discussions, solutions focus on getting over the people who hurt you.

But heartbreak isn’t about them.

It’s about You.

How do you let heartbreak change your behavior?

[Read more…]

The Heartbreak Book About You, Not Love and Relationships

Heartbreak Book. Photo Credit – Flickr: Tal BrightYou crawled through the day feeling sad, angry, and disappointed from your latest heartbreak, but now you’re almost back at home where you can wallow in your pain.

You press the Up arrow in the lobby of your apartment building to summon the elevator.

Only a few more moments before you can indulge in your fuck-the-world attitude in private.

But then a neighbor arrives home from a long day at work, as well, and you wait for the elevator together.

“Hi, how are you?” she asks.

You give her a quick glance but don’t respond and go back to looking down at your feet.

When you get in the elevator, you press the number of the floor you live on and do not ask where she is going.

As she jets out her arm in front of you to press the button she needs, you’re even more frustrated that she came in such close contact with you.

Everyone is irritating.

Everything is wrong.

Nothing is comforting.

You’re consumed with your own personal book of heartbreak. [Read more…]

Warning: Your Fulfilled Desires Will Leave You Stranded

Fulfilled Desires. Photo Credit – Flickr: Trina Baker PhotographyIn elementary school, the monkey bars were my scene during recess.

Unaware we were actually getting exercise—one of the reasons for recess—my friends and I regarded the physical activity as a way to socialize.

The different types of playground equipment were the youth equivalents of coffee shops and nightclubs.

Older girls always sat on top of the monkey bars, forming a tree house of sorts where they surveyed the playground and gossiped.

My days of simply doing pull-ups and hanging from the structure seemed numbered; if I wanted to grow up, I needed to learn how they climbed up through the bars to bask in all their glory.

I studied the Monkey Bar Queens’ techniques for weeks, noting how they positioned the palms of their hands and the moments when they paused to get their balance.

One day after school, when I didn’t have to be rushed back to class, I decided I was ready.

I swung to the spot I desired, pulled my legs up, and thrust my feet through the horizontal ladder to give myself leverage to pull the rest of my body through the opening.

My fingers tightly gripped the cross-section of the bars as I adjusted into a sitting position.

I was pretty much a professional gymnast. [Read more…]

Heartbreak 101: Dissecting the Pain

Heartbreak 101. Photo Credit – Flickr: alisonleighlilly“Did that hurt?”

The man in front of me in line at Starbucks pointed to the rose tattoos on my upper arms.

Before I had a chance to answer, he continued.

“That’s cool. I like pain, too. That’s why I got married.” Smirk.

The lack of caffeine in my bloodstream made it difficult to reply.

“Ahh, uh huh,” I giggled.

He wanted to chat, but since I’ve had the “I want to get tattoos, too” conversation countless times with his faceless counterparts, I wasn’t interested.

A stranger is not the best person to advise you about a permanent marking on your skin.

Besides, I already got what I needed: I like pain, too. That’s why I got married???

“Have a good day!” I affirmed, trying not to be rude, as I hurriedly stuck a straw in my green tea latte and went on my way. [Read more…]

Get Rid of Broken Heart Pain Once and for All

Broken Heart Pain. Photo Credit – Flickr: stevendepoloOuch.

You quickly pull back the finger that accidentally brushed against the pan on your stove set to medium heat, shaking your hand to relieve the stinging sensation.

Pain from a hot burner makes us rethink our actions and creates an awareness of our surroundings.

We proceed more cautiously because we don’t want to burn our hands again.

With pain from heartbreak, we don’t assume the same responsibility.

We don’t define a broken heart properly and note that the pain is a signal for us to remove ourselves.

Instead of taking extra care to avoid repeating the mistake, we revisit the pain.

Getting over heartbreak isn’t our goal. We want to fix the broken heart.

We want to touch the hot stove without consequences. [Read more…]

Why You Must Define a Broken Heart

You know it when it happens.

It’s a painful feeling that’s often irrational.

You can’t calm down.

You don’t want to calm down.

Define what you’re going through?

Go to hell.

It’s awful and terrible, and that’s that.

Heartbreak affects The Sensitive and The Stoic even though each case may have distinct appearances.

Your initial emotional reaction to heartbreak is understandably out of control because the loss you’re experiencing is not intellectual.

A feeling you wanted to keep is now not a part of your reality or you know it can’t be a part of your reality anymore, no matter how much you wanted to hold onto it.

The present is fuzzy and unreal—a shaky foundation for the future.

You don’t know what’s going to happen next. There is no Next.

The thought of getting over your heartbreak is laughable. [Read more…]

7 Lies About Getting Over Heartbreak

Getting Over Heartbreak. Photo Credit – Flickr: John KoetsierFriends and family have benevolent intentions when you turn to them for help as you’re getting over heartbreak.

But those people want to make you feel better, so they’re not going to tell you the truth.

The truth hurts.

Lies may comfort you and provide temporary relief as your spinning head tries to pick up the pieces of your broken heart.

They serve as makeshift hope that prevents you from completely shutting down.

Will they give you long-term satisfaction?

Here are seven soothing sentiments, but irrelevant lies your close companions will tell you about how to overcome heartbreak. [Read more…]

Dealing With Heartbreak for Men

Dealing With Heartbreak for Men. Photo Credit – Flickr: nataliejDefining your target audience is the first and arguably most important step when beginning a new piece of writing.

Who’s interested in your topic?

Why are they interested?

How can your words capture their attention, hold their interest, and help them solve a problem?

Even self-involved and self-centered creations and works of art have an audience; it may be the creator herself, but there’s still an ideal viewer.

You need to understand that person.

The first version of my book about heartbreak felt like a good fit somewhere under the umbrella of “women readers.”

A female author writing a collection of personal essays about dealing with heartbreak would likely address the topic from a woman’s perspective and attract a female audience.

I ran with this idea for about six months, but then a number of things happened, and I found my initial manuscript trite and boring.

The over-saturated market of women writing about relationships and dating advice didn’t seem to need my input.

I looked at my project objectively and saw nothing new or different—and it wasn’t an issue additional editing or proofreading could fix. [Read more…]

On Erections & Nonfiction Essays

Nonfiction Essays. Photo Credit – Flickr: mugley

“All our final decisions are made in a state of mind that is not going to last.” Marcel Proust

Many creations begin with the intent to communicate an emotion or state of mind.

Nonfiction essays are no exception, but unlike works of fiction, nonfiction writing rests upon a straightforward notion that the writer and reader share the same reality.

Instead of transporting you to a fictional universe with imagined circumstances and characters, the nonfiction writer observes and deconstructs the world that is already familiar to the reader.

With fiction, there is an implied distance between the writer and the manuscript and necessary space between the writer and the reader. The story is disconnected from the author.

This is also the case in some nonfiction work, but reflective, prescriptive, or philosophical essays tend to incorporate the author. The reader views a topic through the writer’s mind.

This type of nonfiction writing can cause an uneasiness and anxiety for the author when a piece of text is published, promoted, or read at a later time. The essay may have been erected from an emotion or state of mind that no longer exists for the author.

The erection is fleeting; the creation is permanent.

Does such a case affect a nonfiction essay’s authenticity? [Read more…]

Can Anyone Write a Book About Heartbreak?

Book About HeartbreakApproach any person walking down the street, male or female, and he’ll have at least three stories to tell you from his book of love gone wrong.

The passive-aggressive grow bitter with these stories, the proactive overcompensate, the cunning seek revenge, and the obsessive philosophize about them.

We’re exploring the last category.

While everyone experiences heartbreak, each brokenhearted tale has a unique fingerprint that defines each individual.

You own your heartbreak in the game of romance, and it’s not a single-player configuration.

Heartbreak is commonly and understandably—but incorrectly—interpreted as a personal attack; we feel hurt, and don’t see anything beyond the pain. It’s all about what’s being done to us.

A heartbreaker breaks the heart of the heartbreakee.

Except it’s not that precise.

The heartbreaker has a better perspective of the heartbreak than the heartbreakee.

Those who break our hearts can often see ourselves more clearly than we can. While our minds are clouded with idealism and fantasy, they see reality. And they see that we are meant for something else. [Read more…]

Dealing With Heartbreak & the Evolution of Identity

Dealing With Heartbreak. Photo Credit – Flickr: gingiberYou wake up, and for less than 10 seconds you might feel okay.

Then it hits you again.

The heartbreaking feeling you got to avoid while you slept comes rushing back to your consciousness.

Bracing yourself for the stinging sensation that will inevitably flow in and out of your mind throughout the day, you get up and start your morning.

Your life carries on even when you have a broken heart, so how does that wounded state influence the evolution of your identity from that point forward?

Dealing with heartbreak may seem like a limited process. You feel like shit until you don’t, and—at some point—the heartbreak that left you devastated will be laughable. You wait it out until the pain goes away because eventually it will. Simple. [Read more…]

Revision Strategies Recap 2012

Revision Strategies. Photo Credit – Flickr: remediate.thisHow often do you hope that everything will be “perfect” right away?

Are you frustrated if your expectations for a situation aren’t immediately met?

Writing is an artistic craft that requires many different forms of corrections before you produce a final product that satisfies your intentions.

You can also apply a focused revision strategy in life as a way to consistently participate in the creation of your reality.

If you don’t get something “right” on the first try, do you review your actions, evolve your outlook, and try new things—molding and shaping your existence until it’s closer to what you want it to look like?

Or do you give up your personal responsibility to make necessary improvements? Or give in when your efforts seem futile, conforming your behavior to match the external chaos?

The process of evolution is just that—a process—not a quick fix. [Read more…]

Video: Heartbreak Cure for the Cynical Romantic

Book About HeartbreakTraditional heartbreak self-help books make me laugh.

Common outlooks and approaches to getting over heartbreak seem to lack substance, effectiveness, and longevity.

Heartbreak philosophy and the definition of heartbreak examine the ways we react, respond, and shape our identities after the experience of heartbreak.

The implications are broader than the arguably trivial sadness caused by broken or unrequited love.

Associating heartbreak and love is inaccurate because a discussion about heartbreak too easily becomes about dissecting a past romantic relationship.

Recovering from a break-up should not be viewed as the same process as overcoming heartbreak.

Here are my three main issues with traditional heartbreak cures. [Read more…]

Introduction to Heartbreak Philosophy, Part 2: What’s Love Got to Do With It?

Heartbreak Philosophy. Photo Credit – Flickr: Kay FlickrIn Introduction to Heartbreak Philosophy, Part 1, I noted that the cause of heartbreak is commonly considered to be lost love.

Since the first step to getting over heartbreak is defining the cause that separates the sadness of heartbreak from other painful emotions, love tends to be the default answer.

However, if lost love is the cause of heartbreak, you would then have to define love, and an argument about love and heartbreak becomes circular very quickly.

Can you be heartbroken even if you didn’t actually love someone/something you lost, or is the fact that you’re heartbroken an indicator that you did indeed love what you lost?

My heartbreak philosophy exists without the traditional notions of lost love and focuses more on the concept of loss. [Read more…]

Introduction to Heartbreak Philosophy

Heartbreak Philosophy. Photo Credit – Flickr: jef safiHeartbreak philosophy creates a discussion about what differentiates heartbreak from other feelings of sadness.

If you label a circumstance “heartbreaking,” what has occurred? What emotions make up this state that make it specifically heartbreak?

Love gone wrong is a common cause for the claim of a broken heart.

When you lose something that you love—something you want to keep—you become nauseatingly aware that you never had it in the first place.

The realization that your ideal situation has crumbled, or was never solid to begin with, leads to feelings of heartbreak.

Although those feelings exist, heartbreak philosophy covers the instances that lead up to heartbreak, and what happens post-heartbreak affects humans more than the perception of a broken heart.

How we react and respond to future heartbreak influences our outlooks on our lives and how we conduct ourselves—how we carry on (or don’t carry on). [Read more…]

Getting Over Heartbreak: Why You Can’t Get It Right

Getting Over Heartbreak. Photo Credit – Flickr: marsmet524“Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation.” —St. Augustine

Does getting over heartbreak have to do with anything other than love?

In attempt to start a new conversation about heartbreak, I’m not interested in the common notion of heartbreak cures after break-ups or divorces. Post-relationship therapy is not my intent.

The larger implications of heartbreak relate to identity.

The emotions of heartbreak shape our identities and have more comprehensive consequences than just being upset after a failed relationship or dysfunctional love affair.

Who we choose to be after we’ve experienced shattered expectations and nauseating realities affect all human beings. They are choices that everyone makes. Are you aware of the decisions that you’ve made? [Read more…]

Video: Get Over Heartbreak

Book About HeartbreakWhat differentiates feelings of heartbreak from other painful emotions caused by disappointment, rejection, or criticism. What ingredients make up a broken heart?

If you label a state “heartbreak,” what events have occurred and what feelings have been evoked that make it specifically heartbreak?

I like to examine why people get upset in combination with their reactions and responses when something disturbs, offends, or insults them.

I call that sequence heartbreak, and it exists in the space of identity, self-development, and choices, rather than in the realm of love, sex, and relationships.

Those looking to get over heartbreak must first define it.

More than extreme melancholy, I regard heartbreak as a state that you’re in when your ideal state has been disrupted and can’t exist anymore—a recurring fact of life.

Watch the video below to find out more. [Read more…]

How Do You End Conversations With Yourself?

Conversations With Yourself. Photo Credit – Flickr: Leo ReynoldsOur self-directed conversations can be as bland or lively as our conversations with others. Do not assume drama solely arises from external interactions.

We can rip ourselves to pieces in the same way we would attack any other person who berated us—and gain the same amount of satisfaction.

While such destruction may seem reserved for the masochistic bunch, you don’t have to thrive on pain to engage with the battle. We welcome pain into our lives all the time.

If you were sitting in a restaurant and the couple to your left quietly exchanged polite words while the couple on your right loudly insulted each other with abusive remarks, which conversation would capture your attention?

You choose to listen to the argument because it’s more interesting. It has potential.

Drama inspires possibility and plays a role in our development, even if we say we’d rather live without it. [Read more…]

Proofreading as a Mindfulness Practice

Mindfulness Practice. Photo Credit – Flickr: ConnectIrmeliIf you’re happy with what you have, does nothing in your life need to change?

Change is a funny thing because it can happen whether you want it to or not—and it’s often heartbreaking.

An appreciation for aspects of your life that give you comfort is actually quite independent of pursuing a beneficial change.

When is it appropriate to actively make a change, then?

A writer gets emotionally attached to the words that he pens. Critiques or corrections about his creations may be interpreted as personal attacks (depending on how sensitive you are).

Literal and metaphorical writing, however, is a process. That’s why word processors (the electronic or human being kind) have delete/backspace keys and copy/paste functions. You’re supposed to befriend the rough draft.

In writing, and in life, assuming the role of your own freelance proofreader can be a mindfulness practice. No beneficial change to your writing will occur if you refuse to recognize the sections that need improvement.

You give yourself this power. No one else will. [Read more…]

Where Does ‘Being Happy With What You Have’ Fall on the Bullshit Scale?

Being Happy With What You Have. Photo Credit – Flickr: everywhereisimaginedWhen you consider the contradicting viewpoints within cynical optimism, the common advice “be happy with what you have” sparks a thoughtful battle.

“Being happy with what you have” simply promotes appreciation. Instead of wanting more, you focus on the gifts that are already present in your life.

The idea is noble, but the practice is undefined. If “be happy with what you have” is the last thing that anyone wants to hear when she is distraught, there is a discrepancy between the philosophy and its beneficial manifestation in everyday life.

If you’re not even remotely happy with what you have, are these empty words?

Rather than dismiss this phrase as lofty or nonsensical, I want to examine its flaws to help you extract and use its valuable message. [Read more…]